Hopelessly I'm Taking A Mental Picture of You Now.

It felt really nice to escape the city lights and get away to my parents new place in Jackson Hole Wyoming. It's so peaceful here. The days are longer.  (No joke the sun doesn't set in till after 9:00 pm) and everything seems to be in slow motion.  I can't even begin to explain the peace that was set in my heart just from being here.  I'm realizing how truly blessed I am.

I've been reflecting on my life.  I know I haven't lived a very long time but I feel like the life that I have lived is way beyond my years.  I've been pushed to the limit emotionally and I've stood tall.  I've been thinking about why some people are more sensitive then others and what their purpose is.  I'm not sure that I have found the answer to that question yet but I feel like I will find that out.

I'm searching my soul and learning to love every inch of who I am.  I'm not like the rest. :) 

First Road Block

Well it happened, I've had my first road block on my great journey. The weather out side is gloomy and rainy, I have an upset tummy and the world seems to me, today, that it is at a standstill. I know good and well that the world at large is still moving forward and even though it doesn't feel to me as if my life is moving forward it is.

Bradley comes back from his dad's today and I'm really excited about that.  So much of my life is now devoted to Bradley that when he is gone I feel a bit lost.  The bond that I have with that kid is unbelievable. I love it.  I love him. I think I learn the most when I have him around.  He helps me to understand people better and he is a pretty good compass to my life.  I think I will feel a lot better today when Brad is back with me.

I'm still trying to figure out life and why it is the way it is, and to be honest why I was made the way that I am.  I'm starting to see that I wasn't made like everyone else. I feel and think so much differently then the average person.  Sometimes that is frustrating.  I feel like I'm driving a car that I clearly don't know how to drive.  I guess it just means that I need to learn more. I'm not done growing. I'm digging deep within myself to find my second wind, I really need it today. I know I will find it, it's always there.

For anyone else out there that feels the same, know you are not alone, and it will pass.  It always does.

I Guess This Would Be The Beginning...

I read to Bradley a lot, before we go to bed, and a couple weeks ago we read, 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar'. Bradley loved it, which is no surprise because I loved that book as a child. I remember this book so clearly from my childhood. Now that I am an adult I keep wondering when I will change into a beautiful butterfly.  For so much of my young life I have felt "stuck".  I thought at one point in my life that I had a plan of who I was, where I was going and who I wanted to be. And needless to say that didn't pan out.  I know now it was for the best.  Sometimes the Universe is smarter than you and knows better than you, what is best. So I'm learning and growing.

But I'm really starting to see that you make your own destiny, that it isn't made for you and if it was it wouldn't be what you want.  So a couple days ago I've chosen to live what I would call my A life.  I'm not settling and everything that I don't like about me or my life can be changed.

Writing means a lot to me and this is my way of clearing my head.  I hope you enjoy what you read and I hope it inspires you to be the best you and get what you want.
For me the first mountain in my life that I want to conquer is, to look on the outside how I feel on the inside.  Wish me luck, on my very own hungry caterpillar story....