What A weird night.

I wanted to write tonight.  I wanted to write on paper but I settled for the Internet.

I've been kind of in a fog lately not really having feelings either way. A while back I had prayed to have faith, faith in anything, faith that the sun would come up tomorrow, faith that something really good and wonderful would happen to me. But I still struggle with that. I feel like I set myself up to get hurt. That I trust too much. I believe that everyone is good deep down, and I have found that this is not always the case.  Faith is hard to have when you've lived the upsets I've endured. But I'm working on it. Everyday.

I'm learning a lot about friendship and relationships.  I'm learning how to be a better friend, to listen and offer advice.  I'm not always the best at it but I'm growing and learning. I'm also learning how to trust others with my friendship. I'm starting to see that there are people out that that do care. They love me despite all my crazy features that make me human, that make me real and valid. It was hard at first to trust that there are people that do care about me. But I'm finding comfort in it, I'm relaxing a little and just being me. :)  I love it.

I'm thinking of my future and where I want to go.
I'm trying to have faith that if things are meant to be they will be, and I don't have to worry about them working out, they just will.


It's been a calm night so far and I should just be thankful for that I let my worries catch me some other night.  That's what I'll do.  I pretend that I'm right where I want to be, I'll let my mind believe that there is nothing wrong, nothing outta place.  And I will sleep peaceful tonight, and have faith that it will all turn out the way it's supposed to.


Night.