I wrote this around my Birthday this year. Had it tucked away. Thought it would be a good time to share it...
Today. Monday. New month. Almost a new year.
I'm sad for no reason. I'm like that. Sometimes I wish I could turn my stupid heart off, stop feeling, stop caring, stop reaching for things that I'm not ready for.
Today I'm not honoring my gifts as a blessing as they really are. I guess I just need a day to be frustrated with the way I was made. I wish I didn't see the tiny little things in people that make them who they are. I wish I didn't find good in them. I wish I didn't attract the ones that desperately need that connection. Because it's what I have to offer that these people are needing, not me. This shell I carry around, that holds my insides in, sometimes just gets in the way. I love deep. I love hard. I crush easily. I survive. And I still have like 8 lives left. I crave the human connection, not some superficial front that everyone carries around. That's why most days I feel lost. I'm swimming around as I am, as I will ever be, in a pond of fish that have no effing clue.
Anyway. I just had to let that go. I can breathe, at least for today.
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